Okay, here I go, my first blog post anywhere ever, eek, so nerve-racking. Let me start off by saying that this will not be a ‘Thinspo’ Blog per say, but I will have some possibly triggering material and post as this blog is based on my own neurosis surrounding my everyday eating and exercise regime! Being as this is my first post I’m not quite so sure how I am going to structure all of my subsequent posts but if you do begin to follow me and have any suggestions I’m open to hearing them. Please, if you do not approve of anything that I say, or find it offensive, just realize that this blog is not meant to be sugar coated I am really trying to write about my everyday experiences both mentally and physically so my intent is definitely not to offend or especially not to condone my behaviour by anyone else. I am using this as an outlet to feel maybe a little bit of control and stability, a place where other people are eager to hear my thoughts, so please know that I am a very kind person and will put others ahead of myself at all opportunities and that I am going through a very hard time right now.
I guess I’ll start by telling you a little bit about my life. As I really am going to strive to post as often as I can , I am also going to try to keep this blog anonymous as I do not want to put myself out there right away. I also hope my writing isn’t too formal, as a student I adhere to the habits that university has created in my writing so I’ll try to keep my tone a little more casual (if I can -_-). I really do hope that my posts are motivational to some, and maybe some of you will have things to say to me to motivate and inspire me! I love love love to try and be optimistic as often as I can, so I love to see new things and hear what others have to say on differing issues so don’t be shy!! The Basics of my life situation right now are as follows: I am 19 turning 20 in less than 2 weeks, (yikes), and I still (unfortunately) live at home with my mom and my sister (22) when she comes home from university for summer, holidays and occasional weekends. We collectively have 2 dogs at my house, a yorkie-poo (my sisters doggie) and a Shih-poo (my mom’s doggie). I also have a boyfriend who is 23, and we have a dog together (a pug) who stays at his house (*cough-cough* his parent’s house… sigh soon enough we’ll be out on our own!). I also have a brother (24) who lives with two friends nearby. My interests include Dubstep, hair/makeup/fashion, exercise and playing with all my doggies (I <3 them oh so much). So that covers the basics on my, now let’s look at the complications… blahh.
As mentioned in my about me section I am suffering from undiagnosed eating disorders, what I would call a mixture of bulimia and anorexic tendencies. Meaning I have periods or binging and purging as well as extreme exercise followed by periods of starvation. I have been diagnosed with depression, but after a short stint of therapy the doctors decided that a course of antidepressants would be the best thing to even me out (way to make me feel crazy… wooo!). I did have my physical a little while ago and I’m still awaiting the call from the doctor’s office to tell me that there were abnormalities in my blood tests, blah blah blah, lecture on proper diet, blah blah. BLAH, I’m way too exhausted to deal with the droning voices of people telling me to eat and take care of myself especially when I do, but just in my own way… essentially. So I guess all this stuff didn’t really have a specific trigger other than my sister is the most beautiful and thin person I have ever seen, so yeah that will put some pressure on you, and I guess I finally just stopped whining about how she was so pretty and I wasn’t and I actually started to do something about it. I dropped 21 pounds at the beginning of the year, and after summer I had regained about 8 pounds (ugh so disappointing). So now that I am back in school and back to having a schedule it’s time to get my ass back in gear. Oh… did I mention that this year in May my father up and left one day leaving only a note, yeah that can be a little traumatizing, and I had to get rid of my dog… fantastic… thanks family.
So here goes, uh, my stats for all to see and for me to keep motivated and realize that this is what I really want and what I want to put my energy towards:
Height: 5’7 ½
Weight: 141.2 lbs (as of 18/09/2011)
Goal weight 1: 137.0 lbs (by 23/09/2011)
Goal weight 2: 133.9 lbs (by 01/10/2011 aka my bdayyyyy ayayayayaya)
Goal weight 3: 129.9 lbs (by 01/14/2011 aka Skrillex concert)
UGW: 125.0 lbs (by Christmas I feel like that should be no problem at all!)
So that’s where I’m at right now for stats and how I’m planning on making my weight loss go, now to lay out my plan for how I am going to do it!
Step one: Pick a diet to kick start weight loss!
- Already did that I am gonna start my ABC diet bright and early tomorrow with a trip to the gym at 6am to 730am! (will post after)
- Will post daily intake/outtake also exercise and other stuffs!
Step two: Have goals and rewards!
- 2nd goal weight will hopefully be under 134 lbs (which was my lowest point this year, ugh so embarrassing) for my birthday, god it will feel nice to turn 20 and show off my skinny bodd to all those haters (whoever you are -_-)
- 3rd goal weight set for the Skrillex concert my bf got me tickets too for my bday yayayayayaya so excited for that!
Step Three: Keep up with food diary and calorie counting, keep good foods on hand!
- Will go grocery shopping tomorrow and possibly real shopping (heheheheh loves it)
- Plan out ABC diet tonight and make a post in the morning to motivate!
Okay, I know that technically right now I’m the only person reading this, but hopefully eventually others will too! For now I don’t know about you but I’m real motivated for tomorrow! Gym at 6 am (ughh), school 11:10-12:30 and then schoolwork and keeping away from the kitchen!
<3
See you on my next post
XoXo
- C
